The New Face of ‘08

As M'Lady is takin' ten hours to git her hair did, I did a bit of required reading: rss feeds, a bit of world news, and the occasional online magazine about cars. I was browsing one of my faves--Winding Road Magazine--and then, I saw IT.

The 2008 SLK Roadster.

You see, yourz truly has been thinkin’ about a Merc for some time now, and, ooh boy... have they got a pride of ‘em worth prowlin’ the urban jungle with. Now showcasing a distinct arrow shape at the front end, the SLK-Class has one serious Formula One face. Talk about attitude! And ‘neath the hood, I can choose from among three engines. First up is a supah-freaky four-cylinder that can bust out 184 horsepower and torque of 184 pound-feet. Next is the revamped version of its 3.5-liter V-6 engine. This baby has 305 horsepower, 265 pound-feet of torque, all while producing less carbon dioxide. But what I’m eyein’ most of all is dat AMG version of the new SLK… its eight valves can produce 360 horses that iz sure to whoop sum ignorant ass!

I myself wants me that new SLK Roadster – my soundz surround and remain loud even in the open air; and, at a push of a button, it’s “vario-roof” comes up to weatherproof me and m’lady, coupe-style! Everythin’ is prettified: from the three-spoke steering wheel to the trapezoidal exhaust tailpipes. Even the rear is in a new and impressive “diffuser-style” that lets everyone behind you know who’s lord of the road.

Beyond merely lookin’ and drivin’ mighty fine, there’s them high-tech that is as fast-paced as the Merc itself. More than the hands-free Bluetooth-enabled audio system, it is the optional LINGUATRONIC voice-operated control system that impresses this pimp the most. Sure, the other Mercedes Classes had it first, but hell if I care! Load CD number six! Show map! Destination Detroit!

Gittin’ Nutty over NAIAS ’08!

This year sure is off to a rockin’ start! Car-and-fashion show extravaganza GM Style draws ever closer to be simulcast over gm.com on the twelfth, but this fat serving of celebrity, style, and automobiles is but an appetizer for one of the premier international auto shows in the world: The 20^th North American International Auto Show!

So far, there are nearly eighty exhibitors, more than twenty sponsors, and a slew of entertainment events that include a live performance by Barenaked Ladies as well as a “Racing Day” presented by Sprint on the 25^th of January.

Below is a schedule of events as announced by naias.com, the Auto Show’s official website:

Press Preview: Sunday, January 13 to Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Industry Preview: Wednesday, January 16 and Thursday, January 17, 2008

Charity Preview: Friday, January 18, 2008

Public Show: Saturday, January 19 through Sunday, January 27, 2008

How I wish that a blogger like yourz truly could qualify as press and sneak a peak at the earliest date! Nevertheless, when I get there, I will breathe in all the new car smells (hopefully none of them toxic, mind you), get autographs from all the hot shot racers, and of course, check out all da ride-pimpin’ possibilities!

But of course, first things first – yourz truly will give his take on GM Style, ridin’ dirty style! Till then, peace out!

GM Style Update – and a Mouth-Off to Boot

Vegas Lover: Kid Rock? Kid Rock will perform at GM Style?

jkewlz: Uhuh – he’s in the list with Mary J. Blige and Maroon 5—

Vegas Lover: Maroon 5 too? What’s the world comin’ to? Dey shud be marooned where dey can do no damage – the name alone makes me ears hemorrhage!

jkewlz: And what’s your beef wit ‘em? Perhaps you just jealous coz lead singer Levine is a badder playa dan you!

Vegas Lover: Oh no, u di’int, wannabe white nigga – nobody be more bad-ass dan urz truly! Do a 360 like ya Kid – he bounced Hip Hop for Rock, da infidel..

jkewlz: Dontcha mean a 180? If I went 360, I be spinnin’ back where I started—

Vegas Lover: Oh, excuuuuze me, Mr. Math McGeek, but I was havin’ a flashback of M’Lady… Oh yeah, she was so fine, she went:

Spin spin like a lick/ All around my/ Explicit lyric

jkewlz: Ha!

It ain’t your tool/ You da one/ Wrapped ‘round her finger, foo’!
I mean, look at you:/ A dawg who drools/ Howls long for da moon—

Vegas Lover:

Is that a joke/? Den why was she stoked?/ Her paws on the floor/
All fours, ass up to give ya pause?/ Huh?
She don’t git any quid pro quo/ I git what I want/ Dat all she need to know

jkewlz:

The story of her liiips/ Dey hangin’ like an elliiipse
She eclipsin’ ya/ Make u believe in her
And then when you get da iiitch/ Payback is gonna be a biiitch
Da pimp gits nuttin’/ Howlin’ and hurtin’/ Da pimp gits nuttin’ but burnin’ piiiss

Vegas Lover: Damn you – you ruin everythin’ for me, you wannabe white—

jkewlz: You ain’t in Vegas no more, Toto! Scamper off and whimper like the pup you iz under the rock from which you came! Ahh… finally got rid of that foul-mouth alter-ego…

So yes, Billboard top-charter Kid Rock will be in da howz on January 12 at the uber-exclusive extravaganza at GM’s climate-controlled pavilion. More than his vocals (and his self-confessed love of muscle cars), he’ll be showcasing his Made in Detroit clothing line. Composed of hats, jackets and shirts, the MiD will be modeled with jeans by William Rast – the brainchild brand of popstar Justin Timberlake and designer Trace Ayala.

And since we can’t git enough of a good thing, more bling bling will be seen at the scene, care of Colette Steckel, Mexico’s ultra-lux jewelry designer extraordinaire.

More than fashionistas will be pleased with the new developments for this year’s GM Style, however, as GM has added that the Chevrolet Camaro and the E85 Hot Rod convertible concepts will also prowl the catwalk.

Said Ed Welburn, GM vice president for Global Design: “High energy and passion are in every element of GM Style, from the vehicles to the performances to the fashions. People will be talking about this event for some time to come.”

Heck, we’re all a-buzzin’ right now! The GM Style show will be simulcast on gm.com, so log on on the twelfth to get your GM fix, Kid Rock style!

Enter Vegas Lover, jkewlz' Nasty Alter-Ego

Here I be at the City of Sin, and ooh!--neon blinkies look pweetty....

Vegas Lover: Move it, foo'! Shut ya piehole lest I treat it like a glo*#@hole!

jkewlz: What the FU--you again? Git outta ma brain, you crazy sonofa--

Vegas Lover: Ha! I'm da pimp and u da b!tch as long as we in LV, kapeesh? So u just sit 'n see what V-Lover be up to! I mean, look at you, praisin' those twirly-tailpipes--

jkewlz: What about them? They're cool--

Vegas Lover: I'm not saying that they're not, foo'! But look at 'em, dey only go by two styles! Two! Who wants to stand out as a custom-copycat? Gimme more 'dos, dat's what I say.

jkewlz: Okay, I got your point. You could've spoken out when I was writing about it--

Vegas Lover: Nuff sed, wannabe white nigga--me gots me m'lady approachin'. Come here, shawty, lemme tell ya a suite deal...

Vegas Nights
(by V-Lover)

Vegas nights
Here’s the low-down
It’s all about the down-low
(Shh!)

It can be obscene
Gotta bling to be seen
Chin up and low jeans
(Word!)

Got my chinchilla
Keep the ice hot
Hit me up with a Scotch
(Whoa!)

I heard ya
All the ballas hollah
And the haters shuddah
(Brr!)

But beyond the dice rolls
The Rolls-Royce
And the Rolling Stones
It’s you I wanna roll wit
(Shh!)

The vibe is wild when you hide
Give a fight
I be loose when you keep it tight

Come, let’s monopolize
The elevator ride

Just Like In Vegas, What Happens In My Ride...

Yourz truly was surfin' the triple-dubya, when I came across something twisted: neon door handles! Safely wired and plugged, it glows green when unlocked, and red when not. It silently yet succinctly says "Occupied" on comfort room stalls; or it says "Don't disturb me while I'm with my secretary" on the corporate boardroom door.

I began to wonder: are there any neon grips for my pimped-up ridez? To my shock and awe, I found 'em... but as a patent! Dang!--I so wanted to bring Vegas with me--those flashy lights make moths outta mommas... And who doesn't like Ka-ching! Ka-ching! to ring in his ears?

See the bright lights/ In my suite sight
All the playas below/ Keep on owing dough
Yet here's the spin/ I'm sure to win
You got the slot/ I'll hit the 'pot

Ka-ching! Ka-ching!/ Ka-ching! Ka-ching!
Me got the paper/ Gimme gimme the pucker
Ka-ching! Ka-ching!/ Ka-ching! Ka-ching!
Pull down on the lever/ Got more for your hunger

Okay... my Vegas-lovin' alter-ego may have a come a bit too far, but still, it would be hot to have neon car door handles. Beyond being blingy, these thangs can also blink like turning signals. How cool is that?